


Scent

by cloudsarefluffy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, No Sex, Possessive Castiel, Sexual Humor, The Author Regrets Nothing, Trickster Gabriel, for once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 01:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1207510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudsarefluffy/pseuds/cloudsarefluffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean doesn’t know if his lifelong dream has come true. He finally smells of pie.</p><p>_____________</p><p>Just crack fic pretty much- enjoy.</p><p>***You can skip the bolded segment and the author's note if you want.***</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scent

**Author's Note:**

  * For [For my Friend](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=For+my+Friend).



> I'm coping currently through crack fic- so if it's horrible- please understand I'm going through some shit right now.
> 
> I'd like to keep everything light and happy currently, crack fic seemed to ease the pain I was feeling.
> 
> Thus this fic was born to a heavy heart and wandering mind.
> 
> Don't worry- I'm managing with it as best as I can, but my major post date shall be pushed back a while longer while I grieve and deal with this. Also, some stories I planned on having won't be uploaded due to the fact I just can't write about death or depression currently- especially with some fics centering around such a theme. So overall, the stories I will upload are probably going to be maybe light angst- but overall happy and funny fics because this girl here needs to smile. 
> 
> Thank you guys so much- really, fan fic has helped me through all sorts of bad things, so I'd like to give you guys my appreciation in some way. I guess this is it.
> 
> Sorry about anything.
> 
> Also- please don't take people for granted... really. Because you won't know how much they mean to you.
> 
> "OG" - live on, Jeremy.

* * *

 

 

 

**Dedications:**

**Um, normally I don't do things such as this... Crack fic really isn't my thing nor has it been something I've striven for.**

**But in the light of recent events, I need a little laughter in my life right now.**

**One of my friends, Jeremy, committed suicide and died on **February**  13, 2014.**

**He was only 15.**

**He was also my friend.**

**Out of all the people that could have done such a thing to themselves, I never would have guessed it would have been him.**

**Never in a million years.**

**I would have probably won the lottery before such a possibility crossed over my mind- even subtly.**

**He was a good friend: funny, smart, completely lovable.**

**I enjoyed going to 2nd period in my English class to see him arguing with my teacher about certain grammar rules.**

**Or how he always teased her about having a small "humor" award that was never recognized because "she wasn't funny in the first place".**

**It may sound cruel, or maybe a little harsh, but it was all a joke.**

**It's not really funny anymore.**

**But I know that life moves on, so- I can too.**

**However hard it may be to accept that he's gone, or that the weight in my heart I know carry will never go away is something I am very aware of.**

**But he touched my heart, he gave me fond memories in of one of my darkest pits in my entire life.**

**When I wanted to kill myself he gave me some reason to go to class- to hear his jokes and all of his side comments that made the class laugh and the teacher shake her head- it was something that gave me a reason to actually keep trying.**

**I got out of the pit- he didn't.**

**It burdens my heart to know that someone so amazing and special could feel something as I did- to wish something like that upon themselves- that somehow being six feet under is better than being alive and breathing.**

**I know- I was there.**

**He has given me a reason to dig myself out from the crumbling dirt before I was buried alive.**

**However, I had to see him get buried him today.**

**It hurts.**

**But I'll manage.**

**I'll keep my head up and try to keep going because he would have told me to; whether or not he believed it himself is invalid.**

**I just wish he would have told me as much.**

**Goodbye, Jeremy.**

**I hope you found what you were looking for.**

**And I'm really, really fucking sorry.**

**~ Joy**

**Read on.**

* * *

**  
**

Dean walks with Sammy through whatever mall this town has for the second time in two days. They're on a hunt right now, finding out that there’s a trickster lurking here picking out random victims as they shop.

"I don't think that they're going to just pop out on us, Sammy..." Dean breathes out, frustrated fingers working at his hair, "Worst of all is that it's so hard to find a friggin empty space in here."

The mall is crowded with random people bustling about their day, bumping into Dean's shoulders as they pass without so much as an apology. It makes the hunter grit his teeth.

"I know, Dean- but we've got to find this thing."

Dean hates that his little brother’s right.

As they walk along the crowds, eyes wandering for any sign of ‘trickster activity’, Dean feels his frustration build. It keeps doing so as they walk into some girly department store lined with purses and dresses- a horrid stench coming from a stand in the middle of the store lined with bottles of perfume.

“Sammy- no.”

“Dean, while I know that anything feminine other than women bothers you, we’ve got to go in here. Besides, we can get this done now or come back this tomorrow on Friday when everyone’s off-”

Dean sighs, “Alright- I get you big ass. More people, get it done now rather later. Yadda yadda…”

The two Winchesters walk cautiously into the store, women walking around carrying purses and loads of clothes. Dean never got that- the need to buy so much when they could afford so little. It makes him a little happy that he’s learned to be frugal.

“Sir?”

Dean swallows, “Uh- yeah?”

He turns to see a brunette smiling at him at the perfume stand, bottle raised as she shows it off like it’s worth more than the Impala… wait- it could be.

“Um, no thanks. I’m not interested in perfumes-”

“I’m just wondering if you’d like to try it out. See, most of the men that come in this store get tired of looking at feminine things- such as yourself- and I was wondering if you’d like to try out this perfume to see if you like it. It’s designed especially for attraction.”

Dean tilts his head, replying sarcastically underneath his smile, “I’ve never heard of a perfume doing that before.”

She nods, “It’ll make someone very special swoon all over you!”

Dean rubs his chin, “Sure, lemme-”

Dean thought by testing it- it meant smelling- absolutely not, apparently. No- this woman sprays it all over the hunter with a satisfied grin, Dean trying to find some way to avoid the oncoming mist and failing.

“Fuck!” he blurts, trying to bat it away and only ending up getting more onto him, “What was that for?!”

“You said you wanted to try it.” she is still smiling, the audacity this woman possesses- “No harm done, right?”

Dean rolls his eyes, “Yeah- sure. It would’ve been nice to have smelled it first before you went and drowned me in it… Now what in the hell was it supposed to do again?”

Her bright red lips pull up even further in the corners, a slight giggle coming into her voice as she winks, “You’ll see.”

Dean’s about to ask her what that meant when she pops a lollipop out of thin air and dissipates.

_Fuck._

__

_Holy fuck._

“Sam!”

The younger Winchester runs over, nose wrinkling towards his brother, “Having fun shopping, are we?”

“No, dammit!” Dean runs a hand through his hair, silently cursing because he knows that he’s probably spreading the unknown liquid over him, “It was the trickster! They pretended to be some perfume lady and spritzed me!”

“You’re not feeling any different?” Dean shakes his head, “No weird sensations or-”

Dean throws his arms in the air, “Of course not! I just know that she- I mean they- said something about it attracting something-”

Dean swallows.

“Oh, please don’t let it be oversized insects or some shit- I’m going to die if that happens, Sammy. Oh my god- I _can’t_ handle being in the real time, radioactive-traited Bug’s Life.”

Sam just rolls his eyes, “Well- as long as your skin isn’t melting off or bubbling- I don’t think we really have to worry until whatever that’s supposed to attract comes…”

“Can you smell it?”

“Sort of.” Sam shrugs, “You seem… sweet? I dunno- it’s like it’s muffled to me- like someone put cotton up my nose and I’m only getting small bits of it.”

Dean just tries to ground himself, “Well… okay, I guess. I now smell like a cupcake- or pie. Maybe that isn’t a bad thing.”

“You and pie…”

Dean’s about to retort when suddenly there’s a boom against the roof of the mall, Dean swallowing as he looks to Sam, “Shit.”

The eldest Winchester starts tiptoeing into the main flow of people again, hoping that maybe with other people around that whatever is after him won’t find him.

And he thought he was the hunter here.

He’s going to gut that trickster before this is over.

There’s another heavy thud, people’s heads swiveling up to eye the ceiling as Dean tries to merge with the densest part of the crowd when the roof gives in. People yell and scramble around Dean as the hunter tries to process what’s happening. He can he the flurry of wings, flapping around and causing the air to shift in erratic patterns for some place meant to be indoors.

Dean looks up, seeing blackened wings soaring above the crowd as people bump into him, the thing they are attached to is blurred for Dean as it circles around, trying to pinpoint him. The hunter swallows. He tries moving with the bigger crowd as the wings move above his head, hearing the feathers ruffle as they push against stagnant air. It’s only when Dean turns around that he sees the unknown creature zooming his way that panic truly sets in.

“Dean!” Sammy screams out, rushing to help his brother through the haze of feared pedestrians.

A form crashes into the hunter’s, causing the air to get knocked out of Dean’s lungs as he feels his body slam into the floor, a rough purring forming above him. He blinks, feeling a tongue lick its way up his neck and near the edge of his jaw.

“ _Delicious…_ ” a low voice soothes.

Dean looks up to see piercing eyes staring at him. Most of the iris has been replaced by pupil, but even now Dean can see the unrealistic cobalt lining the black as the black wings encircle him.

However, before anything else happens, there’s clapping.

Whatever is before Dean abruptly turns, growling towards something that Dean can’t see.

“Of course you had something to do with this…” the low voice hisses out, Dean feeling his spine lock up against the tiles and his heart and fear peak, “You need to stop, Gabriel.”

There’s a laugh, the girl from earlier winking at Dean as she transforms into a man licking the red lollipop from earlier, “Sorry bro- couldn’t resist when I saw these two walk in. I’m thinkin’ about takin’ one for myself.”

Dean raises a brow as he looks over to Sammy for a split second, seeing Gabriel wink at him from the corner of his eye.

“You son of a-”

“ _God._ ” he supplies, strutting on the ring of the water fountain, “I’m actually not a trickster, you know.”

Sammy scoffs, “Then what are you then, the Easter bunny?”

Dean wants to give his brother a bear hug- but whatever Gabriel summoned by the spray is still sitting heavily on top of him.

“Very funny, but no. I’m an archangel. This black-winged beauty over here is my angel brother, Castiel.”

Dean looks to the thing that had pinned him- Castiel- now, seeing that those blue eyes are back on him again with more interest instead of lust. He swallows, those surreal eyes tracking the movement with curiosity.

“You seem to be liking my gift.”

“He is not something you can give away, Gabriel. He has a voice and free will.”

Dean can’t help but like the dude now.

The archangel rolls his eyes towards his own brother, “No- but a little nudge in the right direction wouldn’t hurt, would it? For either of them.”

Gabriel appears next to Sammy then, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Get off of my brother!” Dean snaps, trying to move but finding that Castiel won’t let him up, even with his opinions of Dean supposedly being ‘free’.

“Oh- I _will_ get off on him.”

The comment makes the other three gag- especially Dean.

“You know, I’d like to get back to living and stuff…” Sammy comments, trying to wiggle out of Gabriel’s vice, “Somethin’ along the lines of not being some archangel’s play toy.”

Dean nods in agreement, trying to move himself, “Or some angel’s ass cushion.”

Castiel stirs at this, and instead of letting Dean go he holds on tighter, a small purr vibrating in his chest. Dean looks at him, raising a brow.

“Oh- Dean-o, that perfume? It was angel pheromones. You smell like an angel about to get their wings.”

Dean furrows his brow, “What?! You mean you basically coated me in _angel sweat?!”_

Gabe shakes his head, “No! That’s unhygienic, thank you very much- it’s more along the lines of just… deodorant?”

Sammy manages to get out of Gabriel’s arms, “We’d like to leave… please.”

At the mention of Dean getting away, Castiel latches onto the hunter and hisses out, wings flaring above his head in a dominant display. Dean shudders as he feels feathers brush against his neck in the process.

“Seems like my brother here doesn’t support that.” Gabe grins, “And neither do I. You know, I thought all that lore about Winchesters was just bullshit… but now that I’ve seen you in person…” he grins towards Sammy especially, “I have to say they weren’t lyin’.”

Dean tries to move but is only pinned harder by the angel, “Come on- we were just tryin’ to do our jobs, okay!? We didn’t ask to become some angel’s wet dream!”

Castiel grips onto him as he rubs his form up against Dean’s, his chest vibrating as he purrs with satisfaction, stubble making a slight burn across Dean’s skin. Gabriel grips back onto to Sammy, doing some weird tango move where he’s hovering over Sammy with a rose appearing in his mouth, eyebrows seeming to spasm over his face.

“I may seem small in height-” he says with some accent you’d find in a early morning soap opera, “but not in length.”

“No.”

“Something wrong my sweet? Are you falling for me now?” he adds, voice grating like sandpaper, similar to the sensation of Castiel’s facial hair on Dean’s neck, “Is it time for us to make... love?”

“ _Oh god_ I hope not.” Sammy says with one of his bitch faces.

Dean laughs at them, but it’s cut off short by an angel humping him, “Down boy! Shit!”

“Dean-”

“Shush my love.” Gabriel places a finger over Sammy’s lips, interrupting him, “You’ll need your voice to scream from _pleasure-”_

“I’m about to scream from _distress-_ now put me the fuck down shortstop-”

“ _Sasquatch-”_

“ _Tick tack-”_

“ **Skyscraper-** ”

“ **Step stool!** ”

Gabe pulls back, “How dare you!”

Dean bats Castiel away from his neck, “Dude- stop, please. You’re like a damn dog right now-”

Castiel blinks at him.

“I’m about to call you Lassie if you don’t stop fucking humping me, you son of a bitch. Get off of me-”

“But baby!” Gabriel gets down on one knee, soundling like a poor impersonator of Elvis, “Don’t play me like that, sugar! You know I can’t take the heartbreak!”

Sammy rolls his eyes, “I’m about to break your face if you don’t fucking stop-”

“But baby!”

Castiel slinks off of Dean slightly, blushing, “I’m sorry- I can’t really control myself at the moment.”

Dean just sighs, ruffling his hair, “Yeah- I get it. I smell like a bitch in heat. Good for me. Bet you want me to say _‘fuck me’-”_

Castiel is on him again.

“Lassie- _down!”_

“I’m not your baby, stop.”

Gabriel pleads from the floor, “I’ll quit the band just for you, baby- I swear! I’ll leave it and everythin’! I’ll put Cali at the back of my mind and in my rearview mirror for _you_ baby! Just don’t leave me!”

“Where in the hell did California come into this?” Sammy tries to back away, Gabriel sliding on his knees awkwardly to follow him, “Dude- stop.”

Castiel growls into Dean’s neck, tongue lapping at the skin, “Smell so good-”

Dean gives a tight laugh, feeling lips press to his jugular, “Maybe that’s because your brother fucking sprayed me with angel shit that apparently smells like sunshine and rainbows.”

“More so of pie…” Castiel murmurs.

Dean doesn’t know if his lifelong dream has come true. He finally smells of pie.

“Stop-” Sammy tries to say, the archangel interrupting him as his brother struggles a few feet away.

Gabe jumps up, putting a hand on his hip as his hair gets put into a ponytail, huge sunglasses covering his eyes as his lips turn cherry red and hoop earrings pop up, “Girl- I just know you _didn’t_ just say that to me-”

“What in the actual flying fuck-”

“Do you even _knooooooow_ who I am, girl!?” Gabriel pops his gum, movements stark as he snaps his fingers, “Ain’t no _basic bitch_ gonna tell me what up!”

“Basic… bitch?” Sammy tilts his head, “Are you bipolar?”

“ **WHAT CHU TRYNNA SAY ‘BOUT ME BOOBOO?!** ”

Castiel is still grinding onto Dean’s thigh, the hunter grimacing as he notices a janitor’s cart beside him. He grabs a bottle of window cleaner and sprays.

“Bad Lassie! No!”

Castiel jumps off of him, hissing like a cat as his wings puff out.

“Don’t like gettin’ sprayed huh? You and me both-”

Castiel tries jumping onto him again and Dean presses the handle on the bottle down again, “Bad boy- _no!”_

Castiel starts running and Dean chases while spraying.

“ **YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME? YOU THINK YOU KNOOOOW MY STRUGGLES!? EXCUSE THE FUCK OUTTA YOU!** ” Gabe pulls his hair down and flips it around like some model, “Bitch- I’m frontpage quality of Time magazine- you’d be lucky to make it on a milk carton for bein’ missin’.”

“I’m walking away now…” Sam turns, brisk.

Out of nowhere, the sprinklers in the building come on over just the two of them, Dean still chasing Castiel in the background as Sam turns to see Gabriel standing there. He’s got a bouquet of roses already wilting in his hands, lips pouted out as he sniffles in the fake rainfall, already soaked through. For some reason, the speakers start playing a sad violin number as Gabe sinks to his knees.

“No-”

“Why?”

“ _Stop._ ”

“I love you, baby- please don’t leave me.”

Sam rubs the bridge of his nose, “Gabe- stop.”

“I can’t stop loving you! Can’t you see that! The moment I laid eyes on you I knew what they meant when they said you’ll know it when you find the one!”

“We just met about five minutes ago-”

Gabe shakes his head, tears sliding down his cheeks, “Baby- it doesn’t matter- whether we have longevity or brevity, I know you’re the one for me! Please! Don’t make me try and stitch my heart back together! I couldn’t do that! Stitches _hurt!”_

Sam snorts, “I don’t think a doctor would save you-”

All of the sudden Sam finds himself in scrubs, gloves over his hands as he blinks. There’s a light overhead, its beams showing Gabe lying on the operation table looking dead. The monitors and all of these medical things around are him as a nurse runs up.

“Dr. Sexy! You have to save him! He’s dying of a broken heart!”

“Oh my _fucking-”_

Castiel whizzes past and knocks over some metal pans, Dean hot on his tail as he sprays the last of the window cleaner onto the angel, “Shit.”

“Run out?” the scent-crazed angel saunters closer, pupils once again reigning over as Dean’s fear spikes, “What a shame…”

“Yeah- a tragedy.” Dean swallows nervously, seeing how Castiel is slowly gaining on him inch, by precious inch.

The angel purrs, wings extended towards Dean as the hunter takes a few steps backwards, “I mean, it’s not like you needed it for anything…”

Dean takes a few more steps, Castiel following for every single one, Dean isn’t gaining any ground- he’s losing it, “I think I did…”

Castiel then snarls leaping towards Dean as he sprints off in the other direction.

“He’s angry!” Dean shouts like Steve Irwin, bobbing and weaving through stands, “ _He’s angry!”_

Castiel hisses again.

“Save me… Dr. Sexy.” Gabe pleads, his voice weak, “Only you… can…”

“You’re not dying and we both know it.”

Gabe shakes his head limply, a few sweat-dampened locks of hair falling over his face in clumps, “You’re a shit doctor…”

“Well that’s because I’m not one.”

The nurse gasps, covering her mouth, “Dr. Sexy!”

Sam holds out his hands, “Sorry I ruined your fantasy lady- I know nothing in the medical field.”

“Try…” Gabe grabs onto his scrubs, pulling him down, his hazel eyes inches from Sam’s, “ _Try_ and save me…”

“No, Gabe.”

“But I’m _dying!”_ he whines, flailing on the table like a five year old in the throes of a tantrum.

“He’s going into cardiac arrest!” the nurse yells out, grabbing the paddles, “ _Clear!”_

Sam groans, rubbing at his face as the nurse jolts Gabriel with electricity, “If you are not gonna die- I’m going to kill you instead.”

“Dr. Sexy!” the nurse gasps dramatically.

 

"I TOLD YOU I'M NOT A DOCTOR!"

“Lassie!” Dean screams, similar to that when he found the cat in that locker once, “ **LASSIE!** ”

Castiel is merely inches from tackling Dean, and just to make the situation worse, a football player appears before Dean and throws him to the ground for the angel.

“Forty-two, hut hut!” he shouts before he turns into mist, disappearing.

“Godammit!” Dean yells just as Castiel jumps on him.

Castiel purrs into his neck, heavy and sweet, “ _Touchdown._ ”

“I don’t even like football-”

“Gabe, seriously. Get up.”

Gabriel is laying out on the table exposed for all to see, Sam grabbing the sheet to cover him up. It causes the archangel to fly up off of the examination table and squeal.

“You’re callin’ it already! You aren’t going to try and save my life?”

“You were never dying, so I don't want to see this- and I’m not a even doctor.”

Gabe snorts, “Yeah, with how you treat your patients I can see why.”

Out of nowhere, the nurse pops up again, holding out something cold to Sam, “Dr. Sexy, do you need some ice for that burn?”

“You’re immature and I’m going to get my brother, we’re leaving.”

“But baby!”

Dean tries getting Castiel off of him and is utterly failing- seriously. This angel is able to pin his arms to his sides, causing an awkward wiggle to come from him as he dreams of freeing himself.

“Dude- get off!” Dean shakes, “Seriously- I’m not trying to get groped by an angel!”

It makes Castiel snarl, fingers hooking into Dean’s flesh.

“ _Ow ow ow!_ No! Bad- quit that! Jesus, like fucking claws!” Dean barks out, Sammy coming over to help him, “Sammy please! You gotta help me here!”

“I know, Dean.”

Sam just walks up, a hiss coming from Castiel- only to be silenced as Sam pinches his neck. It’s like Castiel locks up, freezing as Sam picks him up like a small cat and places him over near his brother before letting go. He reaches Dean’s side, helping him up and narrowing his eyes to the feathers poking out of Dean’s clothing or hair.

“You’re really leaving?” Gabe asks, saddened, “You’re not going to stay?”

Sam shakes his head, already dragging Dean with him, “Nope! I’m tired of this ‘flipping channels’ bullshit and I’m quite frankly ready to leave.”

“But you’re about to miss the best part of the show!”

Sam abruptly turns on his heel, glaring, “There was never a show! We came here because we thought we had a trickster to gank- and this is what we find? An archangel in sheep’s clothing? Then he decides to spray my brother with some type of angel juice and acts like it’s all okay that his brother turns into a god damn feral animal and humps his leg like a dog-”

“ _Lassie._ ” Dean corrects.

“Fine, whatever. Lassie, then.” Sam sighs, “You’re expecting us to be okay with that? Not be annoyed or pissed off that we’ve become your playthings? Are you kidding me?”

"But baby..." the sprinklers start up again.

Sam groans, looking over to Dean who’s pouting like a lost puppy, throwing off Sam as he notices the small yarn item on his wrist as Dean tugs at his. He looks over to Gabe, holding his own up.

“I made us friendship bracelets, man- you can’t back out on that!”

Sam looks down, seeing ‘baby’ knitted into the strings, “I’m going to cut you.”

Gabe wiggles his eyebrows, “No, but you can do something else. _Baby._ ”

Sam groans as Castiel leaps forward onto Dean, causing the whole entire situation to just begin anew.

If they get out of here before they die- the Winchesters will be amazed.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Live your life.
> 
> You only get one.


End file.
